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Sports Pet Peeves

Kyle — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 19:55:31 +0000

This will be my first shot at writing a legitimate sports blog. So we’ll see how this goes. Make sure to hit me up on twitter @madsports8.

As I sat on my couch deciding what I was going to blog about, I realized that a lot of stuff on ESPN and on the broadcasts of games and discussions with friends that really annoyed me. Negativity and pessimism is a bit of a motif for me, so I decided to run with that. These are some of my biggest sports pet peeves.

1- Haters without a reason

This is just a theme in life, but it comes up CONSTANTLY in sports. When someone does something to piss of the public, it immediately becomes the cliché thing to do to hate that person. Or when a team wins a lot, it becomes immediately cliché to hate that team. Now it’s fine to have your athletes and teams you dislike…but please have a reason. Nothing is worse than a person ranting about how much they hate someone, then they have absolutely no reason why.

For example: the Lakers during the NBA Finals. Unless you’re a Laker fan, you hate the Lakers. I have yet to meet a basketball fan that is indifferent towards the Lake Show. But out of the woodworks during the finals there are Facebook posts and tweets abound cursing the Lakers, and insulting Sasha Vujacic’s stupid hair. But nobody really knows why they hate them. And the worst part is that these haters come out just for the playoffs…yes, haters have a bandwagon too (we’ll get to bandwagons later).

My point is though, that in general people that don’t know what they’re talking about will go to the cliché thing to say regarding that subject. We’re all guilty of it. When my friends ask me about NASCAR…Jimmie Johnson is good and Juan Pablo Montoya can’t close a race and Danica Patrick isn’t very good. Those are the cliché things I know about NASCAR. It’s the all out hatred that people have that seems to be out of nowhere and for no reason. So haters, educate yourselves on why you hate someone or something, and the sporting world will be a better place.

2- Comparing both past and current athletes

This one really has to stop because it’s getting really old and gets absolutely NOWHERE when being argued. The obvious one is Kobe vs. Lebron. The constant need of sports fans to compare players has gone from a fun activity to almost like a political campaign. These arguments have gone from, “Kobe is great at this while Lebron is great at this,” to “Kobe sucks. No, Lebron sucks. Rings, traitor, MJ blah blah blah.” It’s getting extremely old. Just to break it down, it’s apples to oranges. Kobe Bryant is a 6’6” 2 guard who has had to work to dominate. Lebron is a 6’9” 270 pound small forward who has been enormous and just dominated his whole life. Different styles, different positions, different teams, you can’t compare them.

It comes with football too. Peyton Manning will never be Joe Montana. Nobody will. Because Montana was the first to do what he did. Nobody will ever be Michael Jordan because MJ was the first to dominate when the NBA was blossoming in the 90’s. In baseball nobody will ever be Nolan Ryan or Ted Williams. They had pre-steroid, record shattering careers that even if matched statistically, will never be surpassed in greatness. The reason comparing all these athletes to each other is so damaging and annoying is because it never gets anywhere productive. People are going to have their thoughts on players, the guy that they worship and nothing is going to change that. Sports are like a religion to people. That sounds crazy but it really is. You go to church every Sunday and sit and watch, in sports you sit on your couch and watch the game. You worship whatever deity you worship in church. In sports you have your favorite players that you worship as well. So trying to change someone’s opinion about a favorite player or idol is like going into a church and change everyone’s mind. You can’t, so shut up and let players be great without having to live up to a certain expectation.

3- People that HATE hockey

Seriously with this though. What the hell. I guess this goes back to the fact hockey isn’t a wildly popular US sport, so not as many people follow or understand it, and therefore don’t like it. But I have friends that legitimately HATE hockey, and I can not for the life of me figure out why.

First off, playoff hockey is the most INTENSE playoff sport to watch. It’s like basketball style series’ and the high impact of football rolled into one. Only hockey playoffs go faster than basketball because they play EVERY OTHER DAY, and the high octane speed and hits keep coming, unlike in football where incomplete passes and runs into the line slow the game down quite a bit. Plus, hockey players are just all a little insane, so every single game every player on the ice is going all out because if you don’t, you may be leaving the ice on a stretcher.

Secondly, a hockey goal is the most exciting form of scoring in sports. Even more exciting than all the scoring Tiger has done over the years. (Golf joke in a hockey piece…ALMOST impossible). But seriously, a goal in hockey is the most exciting way to put points or runs or goals on the board out of all the sports. Look, football you can see the pass go up and see the receiver is breaking free 98% of the time, and therefore the excitement is drawn out. Baseball, you see the home run flying through the air or the line drive that’s going to get down to score the winning run. In basketball the only thing comparable is a last second game winning shot and even then, depending on where you’re at you can see where that shot is going to go. But hockey, hockey is a whole different animal. It’s setting up the offense, pass, pass, shot!…anticipation floods the body ready to explode in a matter of hundredths of a second…GOAL!!! And the place goes crazy. It’s constant edge of your seat nail biting stuff. And unlike soccer, a team can score 3 of those goals in just seconds. A 2-0 deficit with a minute to play in hockey isn’t insurmountable.

So I really don’t understand how one can dislike the game of hockey if they like all the other major sports because hockey really is the best part of every sport all mashed into one. And you can’t even complain about low scoring games because if it is a 1-0 or 1-1 game chances are there is some phenomenal goal keeping to watch, as well as constant chances for that tie or 1-0 deficit to be changed. So if you have not yet given hockey a chance. Do it. You won’t regret it.

4- The ridiculous amount of love the NBA gets

Professional basketball is getting downright boring to watch. Yeah, I said it. Not to say I don’t watch or that I don’t enjoy the sport, but it’s getting to the point where every game turns into a bore fest for a multitude of reasons.

First reason the NBA is boring is because players are getting less and less college experience, which leads to lower quality NBA players. I’m sorry but it’s the truth. Same player, one year under coach K or four years under coach K, which one do you want? I’ll take the 4 year guy. Now I know that with AAU ball being so quality that it somewhat makes up for lost years in college, but it’s just an entirely different thing. Playing in the NCAA tournament is such a valuable experience for a player (shout out to Stephen Curry) and to not have that experience at all or have limited time in it is not beneficial for players and therefore, not beneficial to the league being fun to watch.

Another reason the NBA is a bore fest is the refs. It’s getting to a point where it’s almost impossible to watch. Every time a guy drives the lane it seems like there’s a foul. And I know we all know this, but then it gets worse when Glen Davis actually puts a legit block on Pau Gasol and it gets called a foul. Meanwhile on the other end Kobe drives, gets mauled by Tony Allen because he can’t keep up and refs let the game go on. It’s ridiculous. Basketball seems to be the only sport where this happens too. I know umps in baseball may have a bad strike zone or make a bad call at first to say, oh I dunno, blow a perfect game. But it’s not constant game in and game out and making baseball less exciting to watch. In football, yeah there may be a phantom interference call here and there or a bad roughing the passer call, but for the most part the players 100% decide the outcome. Hockey, again, has it down because it’s clear-cut what a penalty is and isn’t and it’s rare that you see a blatant bad call.

Just based on those couple of things and what I’ve said about hockey I really don’t get why there’s no love for the NHL but so much for the NBA. The NBA is turning into a joke, while the NHL keeps bringing the excitement year in and year out.

5- Tim Tebow.

That is all.

Ok, quick pause. I began this in July, and haven’t ever gotten around to finishing it. So this last piece is current, the rest of it is from awhile ago. But I feel this next thing is extremely relevant to the time.

6- Bandwagon fans.

This strikes a nerve with a lot of people. A friend of mine argues that bandwagon fans are good for a sport because it brings it people that normally don’t watch, and makes them fans, and they raise kids to become fans and so and so forth. I take a different look at it, in saying that bandwagon fans breed bandwagon fans. During this current World Series, living in Northern California, there are Giants fans popping up left and right. Under my friends argument, these people just tuning in for the World Series run will now love baseball forever. FALSE. They will not. They love the idea of being part of a winning team and being able to celebrate with friends and what not, which is great, have fun. When it comes to next April, however, and those same people find out there is, at a minimum 1,458 innings of baseball to play…they’re going to get bored and not pay attention until the Giants start winning. Almost guaranteed they’ll raise kids to be the same way.

This type of fandom breeds ignorance, and drives many real fans away. It is currently the trendy hipster thing to do to wear a Giants hat. Real Giants fans, is that cool? You’ve dealt with the torture all year. You’ve ripped out more hair than Brian Wilson’s beard could ever dream of. You questioned what was wrong with Tim Lincecum. You cursed out Aaron Rowand as he GIDP on the first pitch of an AB. Why should these people get to jump in now? Just in time to cozy up to a couple of lopsided World Series victories. That’s just not fair.

Its as if you had a class, where you did all the work. Homework, essays, working tirelessly through all nighters to pull out an A. You feel accomplished and you know you worked hard to get that grade. 10 people walk in on the last day of class, haven’t been to class once, say they’re enrolled, they all get that exact same A. That sure isn’t fair.

And the worst part about bandwagon fans is the refusal to admit it. I’m all about using “we” and “us” when describing your favorite teams. This is an entirely different issue, but I do it. I figure I pay money and invest my time and energy and emotions in this team, I’ll call it a “we.” But fans that all of a sudden notice the Giants are 2 wins from a World Series title and start saying “We are rocking tonight! Rowand making me proud.” That’s horrible. Its annoying. Its wrong. These people don’t give a s**t about the Giants. They want to be a part of something popular. Thats all that is. (yeah…take a sec to digest that one SF Fans, 2 wins from being World Champions).

I only pick out Giants fans because its relevant to right now and I have examples fresh in my mind. But Yankees, Lakers, Celtics, Cowboys (all of Lebron’s favorite teams…weird) all have bandwagon fans all the time. Its annoying, and its a big part of why these teams that always win get so much hatred spewed towards them. Its not a disrespect towards the product on the field or the court, its a product of 70% of the people walking around in a Yankee jersey having no idea who Francisco Cervelli is, but are still willing to rub it in your face that the Yankees have 27 championships. (In fact, next time a Yankee fan says that to you, ask them when the first one is…almost guaranteed they don’t know).

So those are some of my sports pet peeves. I’m sure I’ll think of more and blog about them. So this was my first blog. I love feedback, positive or negative, so let me know. I’m new to this so everything helps. Thanks for reading y’all. Stay tuned for more, and check out my twitter @madsports8 as well.

Does a Vikings win help or hurt the team’s fans?: The dudes you should hate this week

Ken — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 16:33:39 +0000

Because sports is a pretty safe outlet for all the hate, failure and aggression in your life, here is a list of dudes at whom you should direct those death threats you like to whisper under your breath during those degrading moments that seem to fill up the days. You can follow Ken on Twitter.

Hey, have I missed the announcement of the MLB MVPs and Cy Young winners or has that shit actually not been announced yet? If so it’s just proof that Major League Baseball cannot do anything in a way that doesn’t piss me off.

The fucking season lasted 8 fucking years and they haven’t decided on the best players yet? Goddamn, I just want to move on and actually have long stopped truly caring. Stopped caring enough that I’m not even gonna Google this to find a quick answer. This is why nobody can ever remember who wins this shit because MLB misses its window of relevance every year.

Anyway, sorry to leave you hanging but last weekend was my two year anniversary and I spent the whole weekend with my lady ignoring sports. And I was having such a good time the only thing I hated last weekend was that it had to end. Seriously, Brett Favre could have raped and murdered Aaron Rodgers and I still wouldn’t have been that mad about it.

On another random note, watching my beloved Green Bay Packers rape the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday night actually made me feel pretty dirty. Like seeing a sixth grader beat up a kindergartner. Just sad and wrong.

3. Charlie Villanueva

By now you’ve heard the story: Kevin Garnett told Charlie Villanueva he looks like a cancer patient during a game between the Boston Celtics and the Detroit Pistons. And then Villanueva went out and tweeted this.

Yikes! *exaggeratedly pulls on collar*

He went to get support from fans for that shit? He didn’t throw a hard elbow while Garnett went for a rebound or violently hip-checked him while jostling for position?

Listen, man: The arena of athletic competition is the last place where it is encouraged to fight violence and cruelty with more violence and cruelty. Don’t be a sissy about it. At least come back with a nice zinger about the taste of Garnett’s mom’s vajayjay or tell him he runs like a fag or something.

You have a job where this shit is acceptable, man! Do you have any idea how many people would love to be able to shit-talk their coworkers or throw a hard elbow into them when jostling for position at the coffee machine without getting fired or sued? Is Twitter just gonna be a place for athletes to tattle on each other? Actually that might be kind of fun to follow.

Also, I’m not going to accept any argument that maybe Villanueva is above such low behavior, Tony Dungy.

I don’t think Villanueva is angry because of Garnett’s flippant attitude toward cancer so let’s all drop the stupid outrage. Instead I think he’s pissed because the insult hit a little too close to home for him. What I mean is I don’t think this is the first time Villanueva has been hit with this specific taunt in his life and I think it sticks in his craw more than any other cruelty leveled toward him. But, hey, if I had to take some pretty personal emotional abuse in order to make the kind of bank Villanueva makes, and had the option to return fire, then I’d do it in a heart beat. Money makes a lot of pain go away.

So get over it and enjoy cashing those checks, Smooth.

(I’m not even going to get into Garnett’s stupid excuse other than to point out the great Twitter trend it sparked, politically correct trashtalk.)

2. Bitter Cleveland Cavaliers fans

In case you haven’t seen it, some Cavs fans made a response video to LeBron James latest Nike commercial. I’m sure this gave Bareknucks Editor Bob a throbbing self-righteous hard-on, but I’ve gotta say: Get the fuck over it.

It’s your own fault. “We want you to be who you said you were.” Jesus, he was marketing himself. He’s a professional athlete with an earning potential he wanted to increase. Playing the hometown hero was the easiest, most obvious way to do that at one time. But who the fuck wouldn’t have left? Yeah, he did it in a shitty manner and he is undoubtedly a selfish prick, but he was always that. You fucks were just too pathetic to realize it.

And, I’ve got to be honest, it’s been long enough and my sympathy for you has long run out so move on.

Shit, I’ve got real problems to worry about. My dreaded weekly Monday staff meeting approaches. My student loans are coming due. I’m unsure how to convince my girlfriend to do anal and am not sure if I’ll even like it. Sheesh. Problems, man. Problems.

Plus the jilted girlfriend story is old. Now I’m more interested in the story line of the Miami Heat’s season. How good will they truly be when they get some time together and start to gel? Will they be so dominant as to get in the all-time great conversation? Will their lack of a truly dominant big-man hamper them from a championship?

Yeah, it’s actually interesting, unlike your insistent blubbering, Cavs fans. The pity party’s over. Man up. There will be a lot more LeBron James commercials and I don’t want to be reminded about your hurt feelings every time that happens. You’re not the first fanbase who lost a beloved sports icon. Speaking of…

1. Brett Favre

Damn, damn, damn!

I should have known Favre would ruin my week spent soaking in ever increasing Minnesota Vikings schadenfreude. In case you were too busy researching anal sex situations gone wrong (so fake but so funny in it’s attempt to recreate reality) to catch any football Sunday, Old Balls led his team back from 14 points down in the 4th quarter in Minneapolis to beat the Arizona Cardinals in overtime.

Basically, he just saved Brad Childress’ job. After the Moss fiasco, and Chilly’s allegedly super-heated argument with Percy Harvin Friday, reports were that Vikings owner Zyggle Wharf (close enough) was seriously considering giving Chilly the axe. Yup, the team was ready for disaster to explode all over their faces in a warm, salty goo of lusty horror. And then the team was about to lose a home game that would likely leave them out of playoff contention.

A mid-season coaching change seemed inevitable, and that kind of shit in the NFL basically means the team is scrapping the rest of the season and I could have enjoyed the Vikings fans dejected feelings for an extended period of time.

Oh, well. Just delaying the inevitable and prolonging the pain for fans of the Minnesota Vikings, which is actually pretty awesome as far as I’m concerned. But still, that would have made my week to start it with the news that Childress was fired and the Vikings were just treading water the rest of the year until they could try to get a better coach.

Chilly just might have steered his ship right back toward destruction, however, with his post game press conference which he used as an opportunity to take potshots at the same aging drama queen quarterback on whom he bet all his chips and who saved his ass Sunday. Man, you give that man a shovel and nobody could dig a deeper hole with such unshakeable zest.

Kevin Garnett: The Prick to End All Pricks

Matt — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 06:24:57 +0000

Charlie Villanueva is claiming that Kevin Garnett called him a “Cancer Patient” when the Celtics and Pistons played the other night in Detroit. Garnett’s camp said that KG actually said, “You are cancerous to your team and our league.”……..Uh huh.

I don’t buy it, Kevin. Not for one second. You’re one of the biggest trash talkers in the league. You can’t go 10 seconds without dropping an F bomb, and you especially love to drop em on national TV.

Kevin, I just lost a ton of respect for you. I hope your knee continues to fall apart. Go away. Retire, Ticket Stub.

Miami is going to own you.

I bet Chuck Cecil is a passionate, violent lover: The dudes you should hate this week

Ken — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 18:07:10 +0000

This week we congratulate Major League Baseball on its return to relevance, at least for a short while. Yes, baseball, we are all proud of you. You’ve made it through several boring months of overinflated importance because you had no competition for the attention of sports fans. Now, after taking a back seat to football and exhaustive Lebron James talk for a while, you finally will provide us with something watchable. Something with tension and passion.

It’s about fucking time. You now get a month when the best thing I can say about you is not just that you’re a good sport to take a nap to.

4. Lebron James

Hey, kiddies! Did you know that you don’t hate LeBron because he’s a clueless dipshit who is terrible at public relations and is also near-maniacally full of himself? Nope. You hate him because you’re fucking racists. At least that’s what LeBron and the aptly-named-for-a-clearly-incompetent business manager Maverick Carter say.

It just pisses me off so much knowing this man exists who is so clueless and self-absorbed that he actually believes this is why there was backlash to “The Decision” and thinks it isn’t an insulting accusation. Insulting to so many people: those who hate him, those who’ve defended him and those who have actually been victims of racism.

Bronbron should probably accept this diagnosis from the futuristic doctor in the movie “Idiocracy.”

Seriously, LeBron. Your shit’s all retarded.

I’ve always thought the dick measurement LeBron held on ESPN was stupid, but I’ve never really cared enough about it because he was a free agent and could go to any team he wanted. That was his right and the ESPN special was the worst decision ever.

But now the retardery has gotten to be too much. He should’ve just accepted that “The Decision” was an all-time awful idea and defended his decision to go to Miami. Just admit that mistake, defend your team choice and at least keep the respect of cooler heads who realize what a small issue this was in the grand scheme of things.

But now he’s responding with triple tardation to the sports fan world which you can never expect to be rational or intelligent. And yet LeBron now looks like the really dumb one in addition to being an asshole.

Let it die, shut the fuck up and win. Christ, offer me Maverick’s job and I will do it much better than him at half the price. Believe me, I’ve at least made big boy decisions before. Though, I don’t blame Carter for anything. If I had a really gullible, clueless best friend with an insane amount of marketable talent, you best believe I’d convince that fucker of my amazing business acumen and profit from it greatly. It would beat the shit out of driving a fucking 2003 Suzuki Aerio. (Yeah, but it’s an SX! A real sweet ride, bro.)

3. People who think CC Sabathia should get the AL Cy Young over Felix Hernandez

Seriously, assholes, calling the people who think King Felix should win the award “stat geeks,” or whatever, doesn’t make them less right. Wins are the most overrated stat for pitchers and I am not going to list all the reasons why here because there are a lot of better writers out there who really love baseball and have already made this argument. And it’s unarguable, let’s leave it at that.

Still don’t agree? See: LeBron diagnosis posted above.

Unless you’re a Yankees fan. I can understand looking at this issue with a homer’s eye. But if you are a Yankee’s fan, then I fucking hate you for that, not the Cy Young thing.

Baseball enthusiasts who call themself ”old-school” rail against sabermetrics, calling them made-up numbers or something equally ignorant.

No, you fucking mongoloid, just because you don’t comprehend the new stats does not mean they are fake. They measure occurrences in the sport of baseball, just like your classic wins, losses and ERA. The numbers derive from actions on the diamond. The only difference is sabermetrics measures the more important occurrences and is actually more relevant. BOOM. Fact.

2. Anyone who thinks Chuck Cecil should set a better example

Chuck Cecil, who was my favorite Green Bay Packers safety when I was growing up, was caught on camera flipping off the refs pretty blatantly during Sunday’s game against the Denver Broncos.

This is awesome just as it was awesome that Chuck Cecil always had blood all over his face during his playing days because he always lead with his big block head while making tackles. Yeah, that shit is illegal now, but I like to think he was a throwback to the days when football players actually hated each other and really tried to physically maim their opponents.

Anyway, I’m sure plenty of sports talking heads will rail against this unprofessional gesturing during the week. Lame.

Who doesn’t flip off the refs every now and then while watching football?

And don’t give me any shit about setting bad examples for the children, either. If the children are going to pick up any bad habits watching football, it’s going to be from their father cussing like mad at the television and storming into the kitchen to take it out on Mommy. That’s how I plan to teach my future children to cuss properly…well, except for the woman-beating part. The kids can learn that from Jay Mariotti.

So take your morals and shove them up your church hole. I’m looking at you, Tony Dungy.

1. AOL Fanhouse editors

First of all, I automatically have disdain for anybody who pays Jay Mariotti to write or speak. He is an annoying douchecanoe.

And now that Mariotti got off with just a misdemeanor charge, Fanhouse is apparently lobbying AOL to keep this creepy woman-beater.

GAH! YOU DUMB FUCKERS. This was a great excuse to rid the sports-loving public from this piece of shit’s writings and yellings! Don’t you see? Now, I’ll have to block Fanhouse access from my children’s internet access.

Please, Fanhouse, let us all now try to forget the angry dwarf and his terrible attempts at humor and sanity. It is time to heal from the beating he has delivered to our good sense and taste for years.

Gosh all money*, do editors just mistake his loudness and brattiness for entertaining, thought-provokingness? I was really hoping he was going to choke to death on a dick in prison.

*Thanks for that phrase, Brian Billick. Maybe you’re not useless after all.

In which an old man sits next to me at the bar and doesn’t hit on me though I was afraid he might: The dudes you should hate this week

Ken — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 19:27:15 +0000

Because sports is a pretty safe outlet for all the hate, failure and aggression in your life, here is a list of dudes at whom you should direct those death threats you like to whisper under your breath during those shitty moments that seem to fill up the days. You can follow Ken on Twitter.

I really tried to find anybody to hate that had nothing to do with football but, honestly, I just couldn’t find shit. Nothing else was worthy of any sort of caring — certainly not worthy of a good lathered hatred. Baseball is just too boring right now compared to the promise of football. So many teams are out of it that most of the nation has tuned out anyway.

Then, I tried going to an NBA blog site to check out the news, ProBasketballTalk, and the top three entries were about a cheerleader dying in a car accident, Eric fucking Dampier’s contract status, and Team USA’s B team winning a fake tournament. Just nothing going on. Yes, the cheerleader story is a personal tragedy for the girl’s family but it has no bearing on the sporting world. Sorry.

So, again it’s all football here. Why fight it? This is who I am.

BTW–thanks to the central Illinois Fox programmers who decided to air the fucking St. Louis v. Arizona game Sunday so I had to leave the comfort of my wonderful couch to watch the Packers game at a Buffalo Wild Wings. Then I had to spend a bunch of money on irresistible food and a lot of beer. The good thing is the older gentleman named John who sat down next to me was also a Packers fan. I liked this man a lot because he didn’t talk my ear off or even try to force me into conversation. We both got drunk in our own individual worlds and exchanged passing comments and the such between some plays while also sitting in silence for long periods of time. This is how I was raised to watch football so this was comfortable for me. Thanks, John.

3. Whoever screwed your fantasy team

Starting this week, this can and often will be a target for hatred every week throughout the football season.

Either you started somebody believing they should do well or your opponent started somebody who just busted out like mad. The result is the same. You got fucked.

And now you beat yourself up about it or your friends give you shit. It just won’t stop haunting you…until next week when you totally redeem yourself or completely shit the bed with another decision.

For me this week I will be replaying Calvin Johnson’s retardery in my head over and over again. Why didn’t he just put both hands on the ball and fall on his ass?!? GAHHH. And no, I do not think that was a bullshit call. The rule has been pretty consistent over the last few years. You have to maintain possession THROUGH the act of falling. That ball popped out of his hand as soon as it hit the ground.

2. Whoever voted for Virginia Tech to be in the AP top 10 ranking

Somehow this team gets overrated every year. Every year. Every year. EVERY YEAR.

Oh, is that repetition annoying? Well, so is the same old Virginia Tech story. And every year all I hear is about how this team is overrated, from regular folks like me, TV analysts, writers. Yet every year somebody — a lot of somebodies — puts this fucking team way too high in the polls.

And then they shit the bed. A lot of times. In fact, this year’s team has not done anything else other than shit the bed and it hasn’t even played a real road game, yet. And now their failure just adds more fuel to the fire that is the Boise State debate. I used to like Boise State but they keep getting whinier every year to the point it seems like everybody is just ready to let them into the National Championship game just to get them to shut the fuck up.

No. Since they’ve risen to “prominence” they’ve had plenty of time to get themselves into a decent BCS conference. But they haven’t so fuck them and fuck them hard. I mean, didn’t they just commit to another shitty conference when the Big 12 would probably jump at the chance to bring them in?

See all this speculation? This is all because Virginia Tech blows ass and yet a whole large group of retards every year thinks Frank Beamer will dominate with his special teams. Goddammit, just read that sentence and see how retarded the thinking behind the rankings has to be. Special teams?

/sigh

1. Randy Moss (our first repeater!)

Look at that, Randy! You see, perseverence pays off! Keep acting like a dick about your contract and I will reward you with more hate than you will ever know what to do with.

Here’s the transcript of Randy Moss’s statements after Sunday’s win over the Bengals.

He says he won’t dog it down the stretch just because he doesn’t have a contract. I call bullshit. I almost guarantee he will. Because he is a baby whose feelings get hurt.

Hey, buddy. If you aren’t going to dog it then just don’t dog it. You’re not supposed to. I’m not going to think you’re so honorable for not slacking off. You get millions of dollars to play hard so it’s not so heroic if you play hard. It’s what you were paid to do.

He makes a good point that not every game will be a good one for him. That’s probably a fact. But he doesn’t need to address it now and act like an insolent baby. Like everyone is a bunch of poopoo heads for questioning his effort. He can blame his own track record for that.

His effort will always be questioned when he sucks. Too bad. When he has a bad game he should just be honest about it at that time. He just has to give credit to the other team’s coverage or talk about the problems he ran into trying to get open.

Thicken your skin, dude. You’re a grown ass man. You could be a legend or, at least, you could’ve been.

10 Things You’ll See in ’10

Ty Beatty — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 18:20:13 +0000

Ah, an autumn wind is upon us. There’s nothing quite like the the air at this time of year, with sounds of pads cracking and cleats clacking. As the National Football League turns 90 this fall, there are a few things we all know for certain: Peyton Manning will change every play at the line of scrimmage, pundits will pick the Carolina Panthers to surprise everyone only to watch them go 8-8 again, Shannon Sharpe will make you want to change the channel, and no one will show up to see the Jacksonville Jaguars. But there are some things that you won’t see coming… Both within the game and beyond. Here they are:

A Young AFC East Quarterback will Lead His Team to the Playoffs and Garner MVP Consideration…

Just not the one you’re thinking of. Combine the best left tackle in the game, a team’s philosophical shift from the gimmicky wildcat portion of their offense, the addition of Brandon Marshall, and thirteen career starts now under his belt and you’ve got a recipe for success for the Dolphins’ Chad Henne. Miami will have a solid running game as usual, but grabbing the big weapon in Marshall really opens things up offensively for guys like Brian Hartline and Davone Bess. Besides, when has Bill Parcells ever been wrong about a young QB? Phil Simms lead the Giants to two Super Bowls. Drew Bledsoe threw for 44,000+ yards and 250+ TDs. Chad Pennington (yes, Parcells drafted him in his last year as GM with the Jets) is the all-time leader in completion percentage. And, love him or loath him, Tony Romo is off to a pretty damn good start to his career. Mark it down, the Dolphins win 11 games and reach the playoffs. Chad Henne will be a big reason why.

Speaking of ‘Young AFC East’ Quarterbacks…

Mark Sanchez and the New York Jets are going to pull up lame on a season wrought with expectations. Sanchez has been spending the offseason reading clippings and comparisons of himself to Joe Namath. Not quite. Namath was a Western Pennsylvania kid who played college ball for Bear Bryant. Sanchez is a Southern California guy who played for Pete Carroll in what has since been exposed as a dirty program. Furthermore, the Jets spent the offseason themselves letting substance walk in favor of style by bringing in high talent/low character guys like Santonio Holmes and Antonio Cromartie while also adding Jason Taylor, who hasn’t waltzed his way into a backfield since his stint on Dancing with the Stars. And while LT may still have a year left up his sleeve, the magic will be gone from the Jets running game with the loss of Alan Faneca and RBs Thomas Jones and Leon Washington.

NFL Mobile will Take Off, Forever Changing the Trash-Talking Scene…

We all go out to bars or watch games with friends on Sunday. We all play fantasy football. We all wish we could keep up with the fast paced action of sixteen games a week without having to wait for Sportscenter. We all, also, have cell phones to which we’re umbilically attached. Now that Verizon has ousted Sprint (and their slower-than-dirt network) as the official wireless service provider of the NFL, professional football will do to the app what it’s done to the sports page, the television, and the web: take over. Thanks to the strength and speed of the Verizon network, you can watch lag-free, crystal clear, live coverage of Thursday and Sunday night games from your phone when you’re in a bind and can’t find a TV. With features such as Red Zone, NFL Replay, and the ability to get live updates and scores, you can keep track of your favorite teams and fantasy players in order to talk trash in real-time. Check out this link for further details:

Dez Bryant: Rookie of the Year…

With the Eagles and Redskins in transition and the Giants trying to reestablish their identity, the NFC East should belong to the Dallas Cowboys. One of the great beneficiaries of this scenario will be Dez Bryant. Face it, Roy Williams is terrible. Now that Dallas has traded Patrick Crayton, that leaves Miles Austin and Dez Bryant to catch balls from Tony Romo, who should be poised for a 4500+ passing season. Expect Bryant to have the biggest rookie season for a WR since Randy Moss.

3D TV: More Pain than Pleasure…

As I said before, when it comes to TV, football is king. The NFL is largely responsible for the HD TV revolution of the last decade. There is, however, a difference between the practicality of HD and the impracticality of 3D. The recent 3D TV fad will die a painful death this fall. First and foremost, you have to wear these ridiculous glasses. Secondly, once you put these glasses on, the images in 3D aren’t that great. Lastly, these TVs are ridiculously overpriced. Just wait until you go to a friends house to watch a playoff game in January and they don’t have enough 3D glasses. This NFL season will dig the grave, fill the box, and nail it up for 3D TV. So long. Good riddance.

The Cleveland Browns will start 2-0…

Jake Delhomme’s performances in wins against Tampa Bay and Kansas City will gain him favor as an early Comeback Player of the Year candidate. The media will give Eric Mangini tons of credit for making hard decisions in the last year in order to “change the culture” of the team. The city of Cleveland will declare itself healed from the Summer of LeBron. And then… the Browns will only beat Buffalo the rest of the season to finish 3-13. Delhomme will finish the season on the bench, watching Browns offensive coordinator Brian Daboll destroy any chance Colt McCoy has of being a respectable or productive NFL quarterback. The media will call for Mangini to be fired. Television cameras will show LeBron James on the sidelines for the Miami Dolphins first playoff game.

The Madden Curse will Come to an End…

The Saints offensive line is too good. Drew Brees’ decision making and release are too quick. He has too many weapons. And, frankly, six of their games are against teams from the NFC South. There won’t be much pressure put on the reigning Super Bowl MVP this season. If he can survive week one vs. Jared Allen and the Vikings defense, Brees should be able to get through the season without hitting his back again.

Aaron Rodgers: NFL MVP…

So long as the Packers offensive line plays as well in the regular season as they did in the preseason, Rodgers will come close to 5,000 passing and 40 TDs. He’s got a nice stable of weapons and now has the experience needed to really take off. The Pack are a popular pick to supplant the Vikings atop the NFC North, and you can count this guy as a believer. Expect to see Green Bay in the NFC Championship game.

NBC Football Night in America will Continue to be a Double Edged Sword…

You love football in prime time. You love marquee match-ups and the flex schedule. Because of this, you endure Bob Costas, who’s only slightly melodramatic. Because of this, you acknowledge that Tony Dungy is a nice guy who happens to have an audience about twelve hours too late every Sunday. Because of this, you chuckle at Rodney Harrison when he stutters or loses all perspective when talking about the New England Patriots. But for Football Night in America, your patience is running thin due to one man. America can no longer abide Cris Collinsworth. A mediocre player who rarely had a positive impact on the game has found a way to effect football even more negatively: color commentary. I never thought someone could make Al Michaels look bad or seem frustrated. I was not a fan of John Madden, but I’d kill to have him back. Please, NBC, fire Cris Collinsworth. He’s the most annoying man in sports.

Baltimore Ravens: Super Bowl Champions

This season is a perfect storm for the Baltimore Ravens. They’ll start it off by making a statement with a blowout victory against the Jets in their new stadium. The momentum from that victory will propel them to dominate the AFC North and then bully teams like New England and Indianapolis to advance to Super Bowl XLV in Dallas. There, they’ll be too much for the defending champion Saints. This won’t be like the last time the Ravens won the Lombardi Trophy; the offense will be high powered. Ray Rice will have 2,000 total yards this season. Joe Flacco will take advantage of the new weapons Ozzie Newsome traded for, drafted, and signed in free agency. The defense has changed a lot since Super Bowl XXXV as well, but Ray Lewis will still be the catalyst for a unit which will stop the run effectively and put a lot of pressure on opposing passers. This team is a great mixture or power and speed, and John Harbaugh has proven to be one of the brightest young coaches in the game.

The Final Buzzer: September 8th, 2010

David — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 07:59:44 +0000

By : David Wege

This post I’d like to spend a little time talking about team USA and their chances in the FIBA World Championships. I know it’s already gotten started, and thus far, I’ve liked what I have seen from the team. I like the fact that there aren’t the mega-stars like Wade, James, Bryant, etc. I think that it lets the rising stars like Rose, Durant, Iguodala, and Love get their names out there to the global basketball market. To me, they are a bit less selfish than teams in the past. Even Coach K said that their best player, Kevin Durant, isn’t selfish enough. That is a sign of a team that not only likes playing together, but playing as a team and making everyone else better, rather than the 1-on-1 style play that we’ve seen in past years.

Now, the player I think that has really put his name out there is Durant. He is the unquestioned leader of the current team, doing everything needed to win on a nightly basis. Scoring, passing, rebound, blocking, you name it, Durant is getting it done thus far in the tournament. During qualifying play, I kept telling myself that this can’t be team USA’s full potential. They were only beating teams by 20 or so, and sometimes just squeaking by, when they could’ve clearly won by a substantially larger margin. Then, BOOM, game one vs. Angola came and the ass-whooping got started. 121-66…Yeah, a 56 point win isn’t bad at all in my book. But then again, it’s Angola, not Argentina, Greece, Turkey, or Spain.

Even Heidi Montag thinks these guys are fake: The dudes you should hate this week

Bob — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 12:29:57 +0000

Because sports is a pretty safe outlet for all the hate, failure and aggression in your life, here is a list of dudes at whom you should direct those death threats you like to whisper under your breath during those shitty moments that seem to fill up the days. You can follow Ken on Twitter.

Ken had so much built up aggression that he decided to take his hatred to the next level last week. Due to the violent nature of the crime, it might be awhile until you read another one of his columns. Just kidding. Ken’s busy weekend consumed some of the time and energy he normally devotes towards hating and unfairly judging others. For those of you who are loyal readers of Ken’s weekly column and like to kick start your dreadful Monday by reading a hate-filled article written by someone who is angrier than you, I send my condolences. No, I don’t. I actually couldn’t give less of a fuck if you’re disappointed that you visited the site expecting to read Ken’s column, only to find some asshole named Bob’s guest column instead. Feel free to direct some hatred towards me or Ken for letting you down if the following posers don’t suffice, or hit me up on Twitter.

3. Carmelo Anthony

‘Melo used his Twitter account to put out a “Twit Hit” on self-proclaimed socialite Kat Stacks to his 300K+ followers. “I got 5K for whoever see @ihatekatstacks and slap the shit out her pigeon ass face. Real talk. U fucked with the right one now.” To prove that he was for real, he posted a picture of a pile of benjamins with the caption “When u do it record it and send it to me along with name and address. Real talk”

After Kat Stacks responded on her Twitter account with “FUCK YOU @bayfrazier HIS TWEETS ALL OVER THE MEDIA IF SOMETHING HAPPENS @CARMELOANTHONY GETTING CHARGED HOLLA AT MY MANAGER @K_WALES,” this bozo realized that you can’t just publicly put money on people’s heads. What?! Offering money to the first person who assaults someone could get you in legal trouble?! Hey blockhead, if you really want someone to smack her around, call up one of your goons from that “Stop Snitchin’” video and keep it on the hush. Fucking dumbass.

Having realized he might get into some legal trouble, ‘Melo played the ole “my account got hacked” card. “Im back on! My account was hacked.Thanks twitter for getting me str8. Jst finished my first movie in China now im headed back to the States”

As you might have imagined, the tweets are no longer on his page, but you can see them in this video:

Yeah, ‘Melo, your account got hacked. Glad you got it figured out! Shout out to the Twitter team for getting your shit straight. The hacker just randomly decided to fire shots at Kat Stacks, coincidentally tweets via iPhone and conveniently has $5K cash lying around to snap pictures of. It was probably the same person who hacked my Facebook account the other night and sent out a handful of inappropriate messages! Or maybe it was that bastard that hacked my Ultimate Bet account and emptied the cashier. Damn hackers. I would say hate Carmelo for being such an imbecile, but his moronic behavior is pretty comical. Dude thought he was some smooth operator with the hacker excuse. Instead, hate him for insulting our intelligence, associating himself with hip-hop jump-off Kat Stacks, committing an act of E-thuggery and for not being as thug as we thought he was. Maybe he should take a couple hints from teammate J.R. Smith. The Carmelo I thought I knew would’ve responded to Kat Stacks’ tweet with something along the lines of “I don’t give a fuck about a charge, an extra $5K to whoever slaps and spits on that Avatar-lookin’ bitch. Dip Set Purple City, West Baltimore, hoe!”

Let’s hope Kat Stacks catches a slap to make things interesting.

2. Julious Threatts

Julious Threatts, a 21-year-old man, is the latest scam artist to get caught lying about his age in an attempt to dominate younger competition, and he’s probably the most ridiculous loser wannabe-athlete to get caught thus far. Threatts attempted to register at a Florida middle school so he could play for their football team and beat up on 13 and 14-year-olds, but ended up getting busted almost immediately after he stepped foot in the hallway. Yeah, fucking middle school! Maybe it was the beard stubble, or maybe his cover was blown when the staff noticed he wasn’t prepubescent like all the other 13-year-olds. Idiot. Somehow this grown man was already playing football in a different league with 13-14-year-olds prior to this. I don’t know how this bozo could get away with it, or how you could have fun dominating helpless and inferior kids and not feel like a complete piece of shit. I wonder how many kids this scam artist discouraged. Imagine the little defensive back with the psycho dad/coach who just got burnt by a 21-year-old and probably took a couple belt whips at home as a result. Fuck this Julious Threatts guy.

I always assumed these scam artists’ plans were to get a few college letters, but I don’t know about this guy. A grown man trying to scam his way into middle school?! Not good enough to dominate 16-year-olds in high school? Fucking loser. This asshole would be past his prime by senior year of high school! I think this dude just got his jollies off dominating kids whose balls have yet to drop, or he had hopes of being the next YouTube sensation. Maybe he’s a pedophile who thought he had a better chance of picking up 14-year-olds if he was the star football player. Whatever his intentions were, he’s pretty easy to hate.

While some people may feel sorry for this coward and blame it on a poor upbringing or some kind of mental deficiency, it’s clear that he isn’t full mongoloid. He knew exactly what he was doing and was good enough at it to fool people for a short period of time, and for that, you should hate this I-wasn’t-good-enough-to-play-with-my-own-age-group failure of a fraud. A grown-ass man who tried to go back to middle school to be the stud he never was and never will be. Get a fucking life.

1. Daniel Mitchell

Boxer Daniel Mitchell did something unfathomable in the sport of boxing by faking an injury against Jeremy Bryan in the first round of their junior-welterweight fight. You read that correctly, a boxer faked an injury. I’m used to seeing flops and faked injuries in soccer and basketball, but c’mon, boxing?! These guys will have one eye swollen completely shut, be gushing blood from numerous deep cuts and ready to keel over, but still they insist that the fight doesn’t get called. And this spineless coward fakes a fucking injury?! Your life…end it.

From the YouTube clip, it’s clear that Mitchell fakes an eye injury. Skip to 4:40 and 6:20 to see the replays of the supposed injuries to his eye and to hear the ringside announcers’ reactions.

“He’s grabbing the right eye but in the corner when he was sitting down it was the left eye he was complaining about. What’s this all about? Is this guy trying to fool us? He had us fooled until we saw the replay!…I can’t believe a guy who went through the misery of being in prison would quit! Maybe there’s something more to it, I don’t know, I’m not going to judge the kid, but something’s fishy, and I don’t like it.”

Well I am going to judge the kid. He’s one of the biggest cowards I’ve ever seen. You know why he quit? Because he quit in prison. He wanted to pitch but ended up playing catcher while he was in the pen. Maybe he has trouble seeing because of all the money shots he took from Diesel and Daddy Fat Stacks in the showers. This is probably how it went down.

Big Bubba: “It’s cockmeat sandwich time. Get on your knees, and open your mouth.”

Mitchell: “I’m nobody’s bitch! I’m a professional boxer, you better watch who you’re talki—“

Big Bubba: “GET ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES!”

Mitchell: “Okay, okay! Just don’t hurt me!”

Seriously, what a pussy! How could you live with yourself after faking an injury, especially when your profession is fighting? Considering how important boxers’ records are, the rigorous training that goes into it and the pride that almost all of these guys have, I never thought I’d see such a blatant and cowardly act in the ring. I would much rather get knocked out with pride than live with myself knowing I’m a spineless bitch. Go out of your way to hate the fuck out of Daniel Mitchell for being an embarrassment to the sport of boxing and to the male population. Make sure you remember what eye you’re faking an injury for in the amateurs, bum.

My 2010-2011 NBA Power Rankings With No Explanations? Yup

Matt — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 06:54:11 +0000

Here’s my power rankings for the 2011 NBA season. I’m not going to elaborate, so you’ll have to trust me.

Screw you, Marc Stein.

1. Miami Heat

2. Los Angeles Lakers

3. Orlando Magic

4. Boston Celtics

5. Oklahoma City Thunder

6. Portland Trail Blazers

7. Utah Jazz

8. Dallas Mavericks

9. Chicago Bulls

10. Denver Nuggets

11. Atlanta Hawks

12. San Antonio Spurs

13. Houston Rockets

14. Phoenix Suns

15. L.A. Clippers

16. Memphis Grizzlies

17. Milwaukee Bucks

18. Washington Wizards

19. New York Knicks

20. Sacramento Kings

21. Golden State Warriors

22. Philadelphia 76’ers

23. Charlotte Bobcats

24. New Jersey Nets

25. Indiana Pacers

26. New Orleans Hornets

27. Detroit Pistons

28. Cleveland Cavaliers

29. Minnesota Timberwolves

30. Toronto Raptors

Athlete Interview: Avery Smith, Former University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee Guard

David — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 06:36:31 +0000

I wanted to do something a little different for this post. It’s always been interesting to me how an athlete thinks, responds, acts, etc. What kind of mind-set gives them the edge, besides their obvious athletic and physical gifts, that allows them to excel as much as they do.

During my sophomore year of college, I had classes with some of the athletes that had scholarships to UW-Milwaukee. Now my perception of athletes was that they would be stuck up because of who they were, how good they were, and that they would just have an ego that would overshadow themselves as a person. However, that is not necessarily true. I was fortunate to meet one of the more down to earth athletes, someone I call my friend to this day, Avery Smith.

Avery played basketball for the UW-Milwaukee panthers from 2005 – 2009. During the early years of his college career, he enjoyed much success. In 2006, his Panthers eliminated highly touted Oklahoma in the first round of the NCAA tournament, and later giving Florida, the eventual champion, a run for their money early on. This expose for a young athlete is crucial in their progress as a player. When you can actually play at that high of a level, you are able to see that your talents are right on par with your peers and that gives you so much confidence moving forward.

So now that you have a little info about some of what Avery is about, I asked him a few questions to really get to know what an athlete goes through from the time they first pick up a ball, to their ultimate goal of going pro.

To begin, I asked him where he first got interested in basketball. “Man, I was around basketball all my life. My sisters were really good when I was younger, so I just used to watch them play at the park. I think being around the game so much; I just grew to love it.” I think that is key to an athlete being successful. I think that loving the game from an early age allows them to appreciate the game when they get older, and they take it more seriously, which in Avery’s case, allowed him to play ball for UW-Milwaukee.

Next, I asked him what he took from high school that allowed him to be as successful as he was during his college career. One of the biggest things he stressed was that he was always told to just be confident in his abilities. Another thing, and I found this the most compelling was “I also learned that learning is good, always try to learn the game, never thing you know enough, keep learning”. That is probably the best attitude you can have. Be a student of the game, appreciate the game for what it is, and always try to learn new ways to improve your game, as even the greatest athletes do today.

Transitioning into the college game is a big step. As Avery said “College basketball is a commitment, you eat, sleep, drink basketball. You are committed to yourself, your school, and your teammates.” I think that is a big deal for him to say that. Some athletes come into a new environment, especially out of high school, with a big head because they got a scholarship; they think they’re the hottest thing to hit the court since Jordan. But as you see in his response, you are committed to basketball as a whole. Your team depends on you just as much as you depend on them. You’re in it together, and together you will achieve success.

Moving forward, I asked him what his early success meant to him during his college career. I would think that having so much success would get an athlete all hyped up, big headed, over confident. But as you may have learned by now, Avery is more humble than cocky in those regards. “The NCAA tournament was a great experience. I was fortunate to go my first year at UWM. It showed me that hard work pays off. It helped me stay confident on and off the court. Experiencing a moment like that makes you appreciate how blessed you are and to take nothing for granted.” That is what an athlete should take from success in my opinion. I believe it should give them the confidence moving forward that hey, I’ve done it before and I know what it took to get there, why can’t I do it again.

Next, I asked him what he took from the college game that has helped him transition to the pro game today. “I just took my competitive edge into the pro game. I think the edge I gained at the division 1 level has helped my game a great deal.” Since his college career ended in 09’, Avery has played for Alwathba, a team from Syria (Middle-east) and in the IBL for the BC Titans, that of which is located in Vancouver. Now that isn’t the NBA, however, not every player takes the same route. Playing professionally anywhere is a huge accomplishment, one that not many people say they can do. To get paid to play the game you love, what could be better? And again it shows that the hard work he put in during his high school days and his time at UW-Milwaukee, if you’re dedicated, you can accomplish anything.

Finally, I asked him the big question, what is the main thing that keeps you motivated. I feel like that is the biggest difference in athletes. Some stay motivated by winning, some stay motivated to feed their families, others for other reasons. In Avery’s case, he is motivated by God. “He knows that I love the game, and he is blessing my with opportunities. I play for the love of the game, and I thank God everyday for the chance to play the game.” I think that is fantastic, someone believing in their faith to keep them going. I feel like now days with some athletes, other objectives interfere with the good in people. A lot of people are motivated by money and other outside distractions.

In closing, this is another example of what happens when you put in the time and effort to accomplish your goals. Avery started ballin’ young, and continued to learn and evolve his game which has led him to playing professionally overseas and in Canada. Its great seeing athletes, especially ones that you know personally, having so much success and being a good person at the same time. So I wish continued success and hope this overseas basketball leads to bigger and better things in the future.

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