Mammoth 2010 NBA Playoffs Preview: Screw You, Lakers

Matt on 04 16, 2010

Just know this: I will vomit if the Los Angeles Lakers repeat as champions. Thank goodness that’s not going to happen, according to my preview. Here’s my predictions for the 2010 NBA Playoffs:

Round 1:

Eastern Conference

1 Cleveland Cavaliers vs. 8 Chicago Bulls

With Joakim Noah back, you have to think the Bulls might be able to steal a game from the Cavs. Might. Rose is playing fantastic, too. But…the Cavs are loaded with talent. Shaq is good to go, and Mike Brown can legitimately go 12 to 13 guys deep with his roster. With J.J. Hickson making big contributions to the Cavs this year (remember, he barely played at all last year), it gives the Cavs another threat. I’ll take the Cavaliers in a clean sweep. I hope the Bulls brought their brooms! (Thanks, I’ll be here all week)

2 Orlando Magic vs. 7 Charlotte Bobcats

It’s a matchup of the 1^st and 2^nd overall picks from the 2004 NBA Draft! Huh? Emeka Okafor got traded? Oh. My fault. The Charlotte Michael Jordans, er, Bobcats are a tough team. The three headed center monster of Theo Ratliff, Tyson Chandler, and Nazr Mohammed is going to struggle to stop Dwight Howard. Let’s be serious, he’s probably going to destroy them. Gerald Wallace and Captain Jack will need monster series’ to make this one interesting. I’ll take the Magic in 6.

3 Atlanta Hawks vs. 6 Milwaukee Bucks

No Bogut is no good. The Bucks frontcourt is soft, but luckily for them, so is Atlanta’s. The Hawks just have too many versatile offensive weapons for the Bucks. Brandon Jennings would have to score 55 points in a single game for the Bucks to win! 4 times. I’ll take the Hawks in 5 games. Don’t fear the deer that much.

4 Boston Celtics vs 5 Miami Heat

Well, the Celtics are old. They’re playing terrible. D-Wade barely has any help. He has a “bunch of Tito Jacksons,” as Charles Barkley likes to joke. The Celtics are definitely good enough to win a round this year, but beyond that, I don’t think so. Pierce can still get it done. I’ll take the Celtics in 6. Rondo is fantastic, so he’ll probably shred Miami’s pathetic point guards.

Western Conference

1 Los Angeles Lakers vs. 8 Oklahoma City Thunder

Kobe and Durant! This is a fantastic matchup. The Lakers frontcourt is a lot better than Oklahoma City’s, so I feel like that will be the difference, essentially. Artest has given Durant some trouble this year, so that’s something to look for. If Andrew Bynum is back for this series, and all indications are that he will be, the Lakers will probably overwhelm them. When Nenad Krstic is your best center, you’re in trouble. Durant’s going to have to play unbelievably well to extend this series. If Russell Westbrook shreds the Lakers’ point guards, then things could get interesting. I think OKC will win 1 home game, and I say Lakers in 5.

2 Dallas Mavericks vs. 7 San Antonio Spurs

A rematch of last year’s first round series. San Antonio had home court then, and lost. They don’t have home court this year, and are going to lose again. Dallas has looked great since getting Butler & Haywood, and even though the Mavs are just as old as the Spurs, the Spurs just feel older. Parker’s back, but I don’t think that’ll matter. The Shawn Marion signing, for like $20, was a great steal. Mavs in 6. The Spurs have nobody to guard Dirk. Bruce Bowen is in Bristol.

3 Phoenix Suns vs. 6 Portland Trail Blazers

The Suns are ballin. Plain and simple. The Blazers were just killed with injuries this year, and now Brandon Roy has a torn meniscus. He says he might play through the pain, because he can’t do any more damage to the knee. (Seriously, what is up with Brandon Roy’s knees?) I’ll take the Suns in 5 games. The Blazers are just too inexperienced and too banged up. If Phoenix can get Robin Lopez back some time soon, don’t sleep on them to make a deep run.

4 Denver Nuggets vs. 5 Utah Jazz

To me, this is the toughest series of the first round to predict. Denver has homecourt advantage, but they’re just not playing well without George Karl. I think Carmelo will have a monster series, so I’ll take the Nuggets in 7. The Jazz should be getting Kirilenko back, but I don’t think that’ll really matter.

Conference Semifinals:

East

1 Cleveland Cavaliers vs. 4 Boston Celtics

Old guard. New guard. It’s like Michael Jordan breaking through the Detroit Pistons before his first three-peat. LeBron will not be denied. He won’t. You can’t deny him. Don’t try to deny him. Sorry, Boston. Your team needs to be blown up this summer. Rebuild around Rondo. Plus, how pathetic is it that Doc Rivers is probably resigning after this season? He may as well tell us the truth, “My team is too old to win the title, so I give up.” Cavs in 5.

2 Orlando Magic vs. 3 Atlanta Hawks

Orlando’s looking great right now, and I think their frontcourt will be too much for Atlanta. If Atlanta just picked up a center somehow, they could be awfully good in the next few years. Dwight will abuse Al Horford in this series. Magic in 7.

West

1 Los Angeles Lakers vs. Denver Nuggets

Last year’s Western Conference Finals in the 2^nd round? Nice. To me, both teams are right about where they were last year. The Lakers are the best team in the west again, and the Nugs are right in the mix near the top. If Bynum is playing reasonably well, I’ll take the Lakers in 7.

2 Dallas Mavericks vs. 3 Phoenix Suns

Scoring, scoring, scoring. (No, this isn’t the biography of Tiger Woods). When these two teams get together, it’s always fun. The Mavs are deeper and bigger upfront. Again, who can guard Dirk? Phoenix is playing fantastic, but the Mavs can score with anybody, and they’re better defensively than the Suns. I’ll take the Mavs in 6.

*I know, I know, I’m not exactly going out on a limb with these picks, but there just simply aren’t many upsets in the NBA playoffs. The best team almost always wins a 7 game series.*

Conference Finals:

1 Cleveland Cavaliers vs. 2 Orlando Magic

Yep, we’re going to have a rematch of last year’s Eastern Conference Finals. The difference this year? Shaquille O’Neal, Antawn Jamison, and J.J. Hickson. The Cavs are a completely different team, and now matchup well with Orlando. They have plenty of bigs to throw on Dwight, and there’s less pressure on Mo & Delonte this year. Plus, let’s be serious, Vince Carter is on the Orlando Magic. He’s done nothing but choked, gotten injured, and quit on teams in his career. This guy’s never going to play in the NBA Finals. The world will end in 2012 before that happens. Cavs in 6.

1 Los Angeles Lakers vs. 2 Dallas Mavericks

This series could be great. Both teams have a ton of offensive weapons, and if you had told me at the beginning of the year that Caron Butler, Brendan Heywood, and Rodrigue Beaubois were going to be the difference in the Western Conference Finals, I would’ve told you to get away from me. I’ll take the Mavs in 6. Kobe, I have a request for you: Tell me how the Mavs taste.

NBA Finals: The Cleveland Cavaliers vs. the Dallas Mavericks.

Dirk’s back in the Finals! And unfortunately, he’s going to lose again. The Cavaliers will have the homecourt advantage, and like I said earlier, you can’t deny James this year. As long as Delonte West isn’t thrown in prison at this point, I’ll take the Cavs in 6.

NBA Champions: The Cleveland Cavaliers. It’s time to crown King James.