Remember when people said the Packers were dumb to choose Rodgers over Favre?: The dudes you should hate this week

Ken on 09 20, 2010

So I had to go to a sports bar that had NFL Sunday Ticket to see my beloved Green Bay Packers play Sunday because I’m in fucking Bears territory.

I had to watch the Packers play to the soundtrack of the Bears game, which was awful and weird at times when the action sort of matched up enough that it almost seemed planned. Also, some stupid fucking Bears fan there with a lady I assume was his dull girlfriend loudly and drunkenly called a friend on his cell to say, “Hey I hear Brian Urlacher changed his name to Brian Cuatrocinco! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Yeah, the dumb fuck fucked up a really stupid and loudly unfunny joke. And then he laughed out loud while his girlfriend kept trying to correct him, “Cincocuatro! Cincocuatro!”

/facepalm

The couple also referenced the joke a few times afterward like they were marveling at their brilliant cleverness. I can’t believe I didn’t put a booger in the guy’s beer. Sometimes my self control amazes me.

I can’t wait for next Monday Night when Aaron Rodgers puts a big ole booger in their loss column.

3. Dallas Cowboys fans

Boo-fucking-hoo. Your shitty team isn’t living up to the insane, unfounded preseason hype. All I heard all offseason was that the Cowboys were the “most talented team in the NFC.” But there was never any proof of this and nobody ever elaborated. Know why? ‘Cuz it was a stupid thing to say.

I noticed a tweet from a ‘Boys fan after their shiteous performance against the Bears.

@iSportPolitics: Bein a Cowboys fan is the toughest…I promise. Smh.

Our fearless editor here, Bob, responded by reminding this sadsack that at least he wasn’t a Browns fan. And this is one time that I actually support Cleveland-based whining because Bob is right.

There are actually long suffering Browns fans out there. And Lions fans. And Chiefs fans.

And Cubs fans. And Brewers fans. And Royals fans.

And Bucks fans. And Warriors fans. And Grizzlies fans. And Clippers fans…well, probably not.

But the point is nobody feels sorry for you whining Cowboys-loving fucks. PR wise your team is the fucking Yankees of the football world. Everybody loves it when you suck. And I hate you for believing them Cowboys are America’s Team.

2. People who continue to say they are right about the Eagles quarterback situation

Ugh. So infamous rape-pole user and Philly’s favorite felon, Mikey Vick, played pretty well for a second straight week while Kevin Kolb is likely to be healthy enough to return for Week 3 against…whomever. Anyway, the stage is set for another whole week of debate about who should start.

Who’s right? Everybody or nobody. Same thing.

Basically, both sides are right.

One side says, “You have to start the player that gives you the best chance to win and that is Vick.” Sure, that’s valid. Vick is probably better right now.

The other side says, “They can’t give up on Kolb after only seeing him for less than one half. They traded McNabb so Kolb could get a chance.”

Yup. Right as well. Kolb might be better. It’s all a gamble.

I think the important thing to remember is that teams do develop players for future success. Just look at Green Bay. When Favre wanted to come back again the Packers told him to suck it so they could develop Aaron Rodgers to lead them for the future. And that’s looking like a pretty fucking good decision right now.

So the Eagles can try to win right now or gamble on developing a quarterback who can lead them to even more success in the future. I hate everyone who claims they know what the Eagles have to do. There are different goals and strategies a team can take at any given moment and any of them is a gamble. Also, this topic has nothing to do with race, Philly fans, though I’m sure that won’t stop you from using all manner of slurs during your stupid discussions.

1. The Europeans

Get your hate ready and start whipping it into a froth, folks. The Ryder Cup is coming, giving us all a reason to invest our emotions in golf.

Those multilingual fucks from across the ocean with their effeminate mannerisms, silly accents and their underratedly open racism will try to take on America’s best in a competition of gentlemanly golf.

And we must rally all the troops to gentlemanly stomp those dizzy fuckers!

Yay!

I’ll take any opportunity to hate the Europeans. Really, just any opportunity. It just feels right. It feels like I’m doing what has been ingrained into me for centuries.

Those socialist queen lovers. God save their asses from the horrific golf beat down the USA team is going to calmly and quietly administer to them!

Onward, George Washington!