Stan Van Gundy not only looks like Ron Jeremy, he also coaches like an overweight, old school, porn star

on 05 25, 2009

I know a good Magic act; let’s see Stan Van Gundy disappear. Orlando’s success is hindered greatly by this overly-dramatic coach.

Van Gundy’s job as the Magic’s head coach is a bit insecure now that Dwight Howard publicly criticized him following Orlando’s colossal collapse, and it most certainly should be. After blowing a 14 point lead in the 4th quarter of game 5, Superman came out and openly addressed his problems with his emotional coach, stating “Our coach has to recognize that when he has a certain group out there and they are getting the job done we have to leave those guys on the floor.”

That’s right Dwight; that seems like something most coaches should be able to distinguish. I think a middle school coach could recognize that!

SVG will be able to carry on his job a bit longer following his team’s defeat of the Boston Celtics, but that does not mean that this emotional wreck of a coach should be coaching in the NBA. Let’s be real, Stan Van Gundy is one of the worst coaches, if not THE worst coach in the league. He’s got an extremely talented team, but they will never be able to reach their full potential with SVG at the helm.

Game 5 in the Boston series was not the first time the Orlando Magic have given up a large lead this season. They have blown several games this season in similar situations. Blowing large leads in games is generally a sign of poor coaching. Van Gundy doesn’t have his team motivated, and I can’t blame the Magic players for their lack of incentive. How can you get motivated with this obnoxious wreck screaming at you?

Like usual, it seems like Shaq-Fu was right when he alleged that Van Gundy is the ‘Master of Panic.’ He is far too emotional for a coach. He reminds me of the compulsive gambler who’s got his rent money on the table, just a nervous wreck. Do you ever see Phil Jackson looking like he’s about to have a heart attack when his team is blowing a lead? No. He keeps his cool and doesn’t hit the panic button. SVG on the other hand, presses the panic button frequently. Marcin Gortat, the backup center, stated this about his loud-mouthed head coach:

“The nature of our coach, he panics very often during games. He’s got some behavior which is not good for us. With his gestures he makes us more nervous on the floor.”

Orlando’s got all the talent in the world, but they will always underachieve with Stan Van Gundy as their head coach. Despite making it to the Eastern Conference Finals, I think Orlando should strongly consider firing him. Maybe we should start calling him ‘Stan Can Gundy‘, because this guy needs to get canned ASAP.

One more thing; is it too much to ask for to have SVG throw on a dress shirt and tie?

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