The Best Damn NBA Power Rankings on the whole damn internet

on 10 22, 2009

The NBA season is almost upon us, so here’s how I think all 30 teams stack up.

Group 1: Contenders

1. Los Angeles Lakers: I hate to do it, because I hate them, but they’re the defending champs. Bynum’s looking really good, and if Artest doesn’t ruin everything, they have a fantastic shot of going back to back. I’m not going to mention how they stole Pau Gasol and changed the whole landscape of the league. I won’t do it.

2. Cleveland Cavaliers: Delonte West staying out of prison is a key for this team, relieving ball handling pressure off Mo Williams. They won 66 games last year, and throw in Shaq and the fact that LeBron is getting better (he’s only 24), this team is frightening.

3. Orlando Magic: I’m not sure if I trust Jameer Nelson now as the guy who’s going to have to handle the ball and make plays in crunch time (Hedo’s old duties), but the Magic are still very deep, keeping Gortat, getting Brandon Bass, and Matt Barnes. Who knows if Carter will help them.

4. Boston Celtics: I don’t trust Kevin Garnett’s knee. He’s got a lot of miles on his knees, and it was a weird injury. Rajon Rondo is a walking triple-double, and if he raises his game, Boston could get back to the Finals.

5. San Antonio Spurs: Tony Parker is entering his prime, and Duncan seems to have another couple good years left. Jefferson will help them a lot, but can Ginobili, and his ankles, make it through a season?

6. Portland Trail Blazers: Yep. I said it. This team is loaded. Oden’s going to take another step forward, and really help them. The Andre Miller situation is weird, but starting or coming off the bench, he’ll help them. This team will make another jump.

7. Denver Nuggets: How much longer can Billups play at a high level? Ty Lawson should get some solid minutes backing him up. Carmelo should be better, and Nene has turned into a really good player.

Group 2: Pretenders

8. Utah Jazz: Their core group of guys just cannot stay healthy. It won’t happen. So, what’s going to happen with the Boozer and Millsap situation? They paid Millsap a ton of money, and failed to get rid of Boozer. This is a good team, not a great team. They also can’t win on the road.

9. Dallas Mavericks: Shawn Marion & Tim Thomas: The 748th & 749th forward additions of the Nowitzki era that won’t work. Their core group is getting surprisingly old, and they still don’t have a good center. They’re not title contenders.

10. New Orleans Hornets: Okafor’s an upgrade over Tyson Chandler, still, I don’t see them being that much better. Chris Paul has to do absolutely everything for them, and they won’t get better unless they get a legitimate shooting guard.

11. Atlanta Hawks: I honestly have no idea who’s going to step up to the 4th seed in the east, but I think Atlanta will do it again. Marvin Williams, Josh Smith, and Al Horford could really propel them to a top team in the east with each of their individual improvements. Jamal Crawford will help their scoring.

Group 3: Quick Playoff Exits

12. Phoenix Suns: They have to run & gun. They have to. Everyone on their team is suited for that type of game. Sure, they could make the playoffs, but there’s not a guy on this roster who’s heard of defense. Nash is now 35, has a bad back, and can’t get it done forever.

13. Chicago Bulls: They impressed me in the Boston series last year, and should continue to improve. Derrick Rose is already one of the best players in the league. Losing Ben Gordon will hurt them, though. He was the perfect shooting complement to Rose’s slashing game.

14. Oklahoma City Thunder: Kevin Durant will lead the league in scoring. He’ll be a superstar. Green, Westbrook & Harden are going to help him take this team to the playoffs. Watch. Watch it happen. I think more people would take them seriously if they were still called the “Sonics.”

15. Toronto Raptors: A lot of potential here. They were a playoff team two years ago. Adding Turkoglu relieves pressure off Calderon, and I expect a big year from Andrea Bargnani. He has Nowitzki-esque skills. No, Seriously. I wouldn’t at all be surprised if Andrea has a 20 & 7 type year.

16. Miami Heat: Dwyane Wade still doesn’t have any help. Beasley could be awesome, or he could fall apart. They’ll make the playoffs, but that’ll be it. Wade seemed thrilled about Miami’s offseason moves: nothing.

17. Washington Wizards: Adding Arenas & Randy Foye to the mix should make them a playoff team again. And it should also help them lose to the Cavs again. I have one more thing to say about this team: I hate DeShawn Stevenson.

Group 4: Stuck in crappy no man’s land, but won’t be able to land John Wall (the projected #1 pick in the 2010 draft).

18. Detroit Pistons: They spent an awful lot of money on Gordon and Villanueva, two guys who probably won’t make an all-star team in Detroit. Did they really need Gordon? He’s almost identical to Hamilton and Stuckey…

19. Houston Rockets: No Yao Ming, No Ron Artest, No healthy Tracy Mcgrady, No Playoffs. It might get ugly for them.

20. Philadelphia 76’ers: Losing Andre Miller will hurt. He made everything go for them. Elton Brand’s best days are behind him, and where are you going if Andre Iguodala is your best player?

21. Indiana Pacers: Danny Granger is a fantastic player, but check out the staggering number of white players in their rotation: Troy Murphy, Jeff Foster, Mike Dunleavy, Tyler Hansbrough, Travis Diener, and Josh McRoberts. Unless you’re the 80’s Celtics, this probably won’t work out well.

22. Charlotte Bobcats: I’m sure we’ll see more Gerald Wallace freak injuries. I’m sure we’ll see Larry Brown quit after this year and retire for the 74th time. I’m sure we’ll see a bad team.

23. Golden State: They’ve been the poor man’s Phoenix Suns for the better part of the decade. Run & Gun, but they don’t know how to win doing it. They’ve always been missing a Nash type leader. They might play defense worse than Phoenix, which is no easy feat.

24. Los Angeles Clippers: Blake Griffin’s gotta be a lock to win Rookie of the Year. This Clippers team has a shot to be…not pathetic. There’s no reason a core of Baron Davis, Blake Griffin, Chris Kaman, Eric Gordon, Al Thornton, and Marcus Camby can’t win upwards of 40 games. But…you just get the feeling they won’t.

Group 5: John Wall hopefuls:

25. Minnesota Timberwolves: Great job pissing off Ricky Rubio by drafting Jonny Flynn, David Kahn! Al Jefferson is a stud, but this team doesn’t have much talent. Their perimeter guys are garbage.

26. New Jersey Nets: With a core of Devin Harris, Brooke Lopez, Yi Jianlian, Courtney Lee, and Terrence Williams, they’re going to be miserable. Much too young to win a lot of games. All Nets fans have to look forward to is their Russian Billionaire owner moving the team to Brooklyn in a few years.

27. Memphis Grizzlies: A fascinating team on paper…but I still think they’ll stink. Zach Randolph and Allen Iverson are selfish players who won’t add wins to the team. Their goal has to be cracking the 5,000 fans mark at each home game.

28. Sacramento Kings: Just an atrocious roster here. A serious lack of talent. I love Kevin Martin’s game, but this team is abysmal. I guess Spencer Hawes and Jason Thompson are good role players. Have I mentioned this team will be bad?

29. Milwaukee Bucks: They’re terrible. They really are. Michael Redd + Andrew Bogut + + Brandon Jennings = 20 wins.

30. New York Knicks: Walt Frazier is rolling over in his grave. Patrick Ewing is rolling over in his grave. Dave DeBusschere is rolling over in his grave. Willis Reed: you guessed it, rolling over in his grave. (Sorry Knicks fans, you actually don’t have a shot at John Wall. You don’t have a 1st round pick this year. Woops).

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