Tiger, Tiger Woods Y’all!

on 12 14, 2009

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My dad’s two all time favorite athletes are Tiger Woods and Brett Favre (Green Bay version).  It’s safe to say his sports world is crumbling before his eyes.

Tiger’s now been linked to 10 women (at least), and his reputation is dropping by the second.  Here’s the list of women we know about:

1.)    Rachel Uchitel. The club hostess was the first of the women to be linked to Woods after the National Enquirer reported that she traveled to Australia to be with Woods during a golf tournament there. So far, she has denied the affair.

2.)    Jamie Grubbs. The 24-year-old reality show contestant  and cocktail waitress claims she carried on a 31-month-long affair with Woods until his crash last month. She offered a Woods voicemail to prove it.

3.)    Kalika Moquin. The 27-year-old club manager from Las Vegas is reported to have had a brief sexual relationship with Woods. She would neither confirm nor deny the report.

4.)    Cori Rist. The 31-year-old swimsuit model reportedly met Woods at a Manhattan club last year before they began a sexual relationship that led to Woods flying her out to various secret locations for hook-ups, and her introducing the golfer to her 7-year-old son.

5.)    Jamie Jungers. The 26-year-old, who sold her story to a British newspaper, is a former employee of Trashy Girls Lingerie. She said she met Woods in Las Vegas.

6.)    Mindy Lawton. The 33-year-old pancake house waitress from Orlando claims she was dumped by Woods in 2007. According to the Post, it was her affair with Woods that was caught on camera by the National Enquirer, when he was snapped dropping her off at her trailer park. The threatening news later led to a Woods Men’s Fitness cover in exchange for the magazine’s silence about the alleged affair, the New York Post reports.

7.)    Holly Sampson. The 36-year-old from Los Angeles is a former porn star, who has starred in such films as “OMG, Stop Tickling Me” and “Flying Solo 2.” According to the Sun, she has neither confirmed nor denied her affair with Woods.

8.)    Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 8. A former cocktail waitress from Orlando, Fla. does want to reveal her identity yet, according to her attorney Michael O’Quinn. But this she has said: at the time the affair allegedly began, she was 20 years old and met Woods at the Roxy in Orlando, where she was a VIP server.

9.)    Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 9 is reported to be a “sexy” British TV presenter who was single at the time, but is now married.

10.) Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 10. is reported in a UK paper to be a “sex-addicted cougar.”

Ok.  First of all…holy cow.   This is a lot to digest.  Tiger’s even linked to a porn star!  There’s rumors that someone has nude photos of him too, and is threatening to sell them.  Ouch…

Tiger, you’re arguably the biggest sports star on the planet.  How long did you think this could last without you getting caught?   With today’s technology at our fingertips, it’s so easy to get caught doing things you’re not supposed to be doing.   His nervous voicemail he left on Jamie Grubbs’ cell phone has even been leaked on the internet.  Not only do we now know about Tiger’s cheating, we can hear Tiger cheat!

“Hey it’s Tiger, I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”

How could you go on doing this?  No fear, Tiger?  Never thought that maybe someone would pull out their Iphone and shoot a video of you?  Never the suspicion that someone might pull out their blackberry and snap a photo of you with some 24 year old?

I mean, if a celeb walks down the street in Los Angeles and picks their nose, it’s on the internet in minutes.  TMZ is all over that.  As a celebrity, you have got to know that you’re under a freakin’ microscope!  Common!    If Brad Pitt scratches his crotch, Access Hollywood has a field day!

I was listening to the Adam Carolla podcast the other day, and one of them mentioned that Dr. Drew thinks Tiger is a sex addict.  Well, Drew might be right.

I’m glad Tiger got caught.  I really am.  I feel bad for poor Elin, who’s now saying that she’s going to try to work this thing out, for the kids.

It’s like the time when Hugh Grant hooked up with that prostitute.  Why do that when you’ve got Elizabeth Hurley at home?

Well, hey, I guess you got away with this for a pretty long time, Tiger.  Touche. Prepare for a slew of boos and jokes when you get back to golfing…If you ever have the courage to show your face in public again.

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